Mastering 1:1s as an Engineering Manager
Unpopular Opinions on How to Handle 1:1 Meetings as an Engineering Manager
A good portion of every effective engineering manager's time is dedicated to taking care of their team, and 1:1 meetings are undeniably one of the best ways to do so. Much literature has already been written about 1:1s, and everyone seems to have their fail-safe recipe for conducting these meetings efficiently.
I do not! 😓
The truth is, even today, after more than a decade of conducting these meetings, I often change my approach, experiment with new techniques, and refrain from following a single rigid method.
The reason is quite simple: every individual is unique, every team has its distinct characteristics, and at any given point in time, the context in which you operate may change and need a different approach.
For this reason, today I won't provide you with the perfect recipe for conducting 1:1s. Instead, I'll share my honest perspective on these meetings, how I personally run them, and offer some actionable suggestions that will hopefully inspire you to discover your own way of conducting them effectively.
Specifically, I will cover:
🧐 What 1:1s are and why they are valuable
🏃♀️ How to build your 1:1 process (🎁 Template Included!)
🛠️ Some actionable recommendations based on my direct experience
So let's get started!
🧐 Understanding 1:1s
Before delving into how to run these meetings, I believe it's important to spend a few words on what 1:1s are and why they are important.
What Are 1:1 Meetings?
1:1 meetings, often referred to as one-on-ones, are regular, private meetings between an engineering manager or leader and their direct reports.
These meetings provide a dedicated space for open and honest communication, where both managers and team members can build a solid relationship.
Why 1:1 Meetings are Important
While many view 1:1s as a platform for career development, giving feedback, and even performance discussions, at the cost of sounding unpopular, I believe these meetings should primarily focus on four key aspects:
💼 Building Trust: trust is essential for team success. 1:1s provide a private space to nurture trust, showing your genuine care and support for team members.
💬 Providing a safe space to vent: team members often need a safe space to express frustrations or ideas. 1:1s offer the opportunity for them to vent and share openly.
🛠️ Resolving Issues: 1:1s serve as a constructive platform to address conflicts and challenges, preventing escalations and promoting a healthier work environment.
📣 Getting Feedback: effective communication goes both ways. 1:1s allow team members to provide valuable feedback on your performance as a manager, processes, and team dynamics, fostering growth and improvement.
🏃♀️ Running a Good 1:1
As I mentioned at the beginning, I don't believe there's a right or wrong way to run a 1:1 meeting, and there are a number of factors that could influence how you structure this process, such as:
Your relationship with your direct report
How long your direct report has been on the team or in this role
How many direct reports you have
While all meetings are different, I believe there are some necessary steps that you have to follow when you structure 1:1s, and these are:
📅 Schedule the meeting
📝 Prepare for the meeting
🗣️ Have the meeting
🔄 Follow up
Let's delve into them in detail.
📅 Schedule
The first thing you have to do to conduct 1:1s is obviously scheduling them.
So how often and how long?
The frequency and duration of 1:1 meetings can vary depending on your team's needs, your relationship with your report, and especially your availability. However, there are some general guidelines to consider.
Frequency
Weekly or bi-weekly 1:1s are common, but the key is consistency. Regular meetings help build trust and ensure ongoing support. If your team is larger or time-constrained, consider shorter, more frequent meetings to accommodate everyone.
Just to give you a real-life example, as of today, I have 5 direct reports. With newer ones, I have 1-hour weekly 1:1s, while with people who have been with me for a long time, I usually have 1-hour meetings every two weeks. It goes without saying that flexibility is a must, and if anything urgent arises before your 1:1, you have to be available and address it.
Duration
1:1s typically last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. The optimal duration depends on the complexity of the topics to be discussed. Be mindful of respecting your team members' time, and if you anticipate longer discussions, schedule accordingly.
Also, try to avoid canceling or rescheduling unless absolutely necessary. This demonstrates your commitment to their development, helps creating a habit and sends a clear message that their time is valued.
📝 Prepare
Preparing for a 1:1 is something that many engineering managers often overlook. As we mentioned, these meetings are intimate moments between you and your team members. It's crucial to join these meetings with the right mindset and be mentally prepared for the conversation.
What I personally do before every 1:1 meeting is to take 15/30 minutes of disconnected time. This helps me be relaxed and prepared for every kind of conversation, even difficult ones.
Setting up the Agenda
While having an agenda is always useful, again, at the cost of sounding unpopular, I don't believe it's always needed. As we saw, the main purpose of having 1:1s (at least from how I see them) is to create trust and build a solid relationship.
When you want to create a relationship with a friend or someone you care about, do you go out with a list of things that you want to talk about with your interlocutor? I guess not.
While I have and I expect an agenda for all the other meetings, for 1:1s, I rarely have one.
That doesn't mean I don't have a plan, but I like to let the conversation flow and be as natural as possible.
🗣️ Meet
As I said, I have a plan and this is how I mentally structure the conversations:
Set up a safe environment: this, for me, is crucial for starting a good 1:1. I usually try to steer the conversation towards something personal instead of work-related. Things like how the weekend was, how are the kids or family, asking questions about personal interests, and so on. This helps in creating an environment where people feel safe to talk.
Celebrate: I find 1:1s the perfect moment to celebrate achievements or highlight positive behaviors of your team members if any. This helps reinforce the safe environment you started to build in the previous phase.
Status updates: I try to limit status updates. At least in my team, we already have dedicated moments to check in on our progress, and we use all the necessary asynchronous tools to follow our work. So, despite some quick updates being inevitable, I let people give me updates, but I avoid any further questions to move on with the conversation.
Team health: this is where the conversation gets interesting. I always ask my reports how the rest of the team is doing and if they've noticed any issues. You can't imagine how much useful information you can get about your team by asking your team members directly.
Road blockers: despite my tendency to skip updates, I like to focus on road blockers if there are any, and this is where your contribution as an EM can be really valuable. If there's any blocker, I dig deeper into it, and where I can, I'll help in unblocking.
Recap and action items: at the end of the call, it's important to recap any action items that could have arisen from the conversation and commit to them.
🔄 Follow Up
A 1:1 meeting is not something you do and forget. After the meeting, your responsibilities don't end there. It's crucial to take notes about the conversation you just had and follow up on action items and commitments that could have been made during the meeting. This demonstrates your dedication to your team members and serves as a foundation for your next meeting.
Journaling: I will never get tired of advocating for journaling, and this is one of those cases where this practice becomes very handy. After every 1:1, I create a note in my note-taking app and I annotate any decision, action item, things I noticed, and at the end, I also give a mood rank to our conversation based on my feelings.
Follow-Up: Based on the notes I took, during the next 1:1, I'll follow up with action items or just drive the conversation based on things I want to delve deeper into.
I'm also including a simple template I use for journaling my 1:1 meetings. I use this template in Obsidian, but for your convenience, I've created it in Notion too.